A Feast Day at The Temple of Mammon

Advice for Obama

"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. "

Highly recommended:

Churchill: a Study in Greatness by Geoffrey Best

which, incidentally, quotes Eisenhower:

"[Churchill] came nearer to fulfilling the requirements of greatness in any individual I have met in my lifetime. I have known finer and greater characters, wiser philosophers, more understanding personalities, but no greater man."

French men need largest condoms in Europe

So the French are pricks - and liars?

If this is Peace... Who Needs War?

It's Not Over Til the ... erm...

Shocking Development!

MUMBAI, India (AP) - A media report says a little-known group, the Deccan Mujahideen, has claimed responsibility for the Mumbai terrorist attacks.

Wow! Muslim Extremists responsible for this kind of carnage?

Who'da thunk it possible.

Fear not! Here comes Sen Clinton with free vanilla lattes!

THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.....

Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

All My Children

Paying Everyone's Fair Share

"To further rub salt into the wound these higher earners will also pay an additional 1pc in National Insurance costs, giving an effective taxation rate of 61pc - a rate not seen since the late 1980s."

Sexual Harassment Training

You mean I've been doing it wrong all this time?

Worst Superhero Ever

Congolese: "Help us, Blue Helmet Man!"
Blue Helmet Man: "I would, but for the hostilities!"

Photo courtesy Enoch Root.

The Slaughter of the Narwhals

Apparently, they believed Al Gore.

Pictured: Sarah Palin pardons cetacean as narwhals slaughtered for food.

Prediction from Resident MBA - DJIA to Hit 5500

You were wondering where the bottom was... I am here to tell you I anticipate the Dow will hit 5500 before we find the ... erm....

Dammit People... It Was Just a Slogan!

Rashid Rauf

Portrait of a dead guy for whom I feel next to no compunction.

In Case (Or Not) of IED

Via Frank, from Jonathan:

AMENDMENT#93489321 (4TH EDITION) TO UK FORCES (IRAQ) SOPs:
ACTIONS ON: IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVE DEVICE(IED)

1.Household Cavalry.
Regard IED with haughty disdain and rustle Daily Telegraph angrily.
Maintain presence of IED in Knightsbridge is "absolutely
preposterous". Return to regimental main effort of defending Central
London from the roundheads.

2. Cavalry.
Declare IED as best thing since tinned champagne, hold impromptu Pimms
party to celebrate. Declare subsequent IED detonation as even more
"wizard prank", extend Pimms party and incorporate mandatory drinking
of champagne from remains of IED as regimental custom for next 300
years.

3.Footguards.
Reduce words-of-command and halting in quick time to a minimum. Deploy
No.1 fatigue party in close-order to polish IED to acceptable
standard, followed by No.2 fatigue party to paint IED blue-red-blue
and swab immediate area. IED detonated by massed bands. Deploy 2 x
Battalions- worth of fatigue parties to swab resulting mess.

4.Armoured Infantry.
Fail to see IED. Crush IED. On realising error, distract attention by
initiating faked contact against nearest dwelling using all available
weapon systems. Hide remains of IED in sidebin.

5.Light-Role Infantry.
Find IED. Fail to find solution to IED due to environmental
differences to Salisbury Plain. Attempt cordon operation and set a new
world record for miles of mine tape used. Withdraw to COB under cover
of mine tape.

6.Parachute Regt.
Decide IED is a "hat". Deploy most junior paratrooper to "crack the
hat's skull". Call the junior paratrooper a "hat" when he gets blown
up by IED. Remind all others that they are "hats" because they weren't
there.

7.Royal Marines.
Declare that IED is "hoofing". Get junior men naked with IED as an
initiation. Turn IED into an improvised free-weight for bench
pressing. Indent for extra, extra supplementary rations from "the
galley". Hoofing.

8.SAS.
Deploy 200km behind IED using HALO-Landrover-Submarine insertion. Tab
into area of IED but capture a rock instead. Extract rock to US base.
Have huge backslapping party with US. Write a book per team member,
all with hugely differing accounts of the Op.

9.SBS.
Get into black rubber suits. Steal IED as above. Construct black
rubber suit for IED. Move to a special swimming pool and do bad, bad
things with black-rubber-coated-IED. Turn on wave machine and let
things get properly nasty. Be very grateful for UKSF non-disclosure
policy.

10.SRR.
Place OOB box around area. Proceed to watch IED for ten days to make
association to Bravos. Swab IED for copper sample and divert national
assets to remote copper mine in Namibia. Leave theatre on personal
crusade against worldwide copper production forgetting all about IED.

11.Royal Artillery.
Level entire area ten square kilometres around IED. IED still
functional. Repeatedly remind everyone that artillery neutralizes, it
doesn't destroy. Create promotional video of IED neutralization with
images of Apache and accompanying Tina Turner soundtrack.

12. Medical Corps.
Send out a fit hottie to chat-up IED. Fit hottie lightly dabs a damp
cloth over the IED to keep it cool and offers reassuring words. Ends
up sleeping with IED before announcing undying love and marrying it.
IED later detonates when it catches her in bed with an Irish
Guardsman.

13. Chaplain Corp.
Approach the IED preaching about The Lord, oblivious to having entered
a come-on. Rounds from nearby insurgents pass over and around the
Padre without harming him. IED attempts to detonate and fails as some
mysterious force prevents it from engaging. IED is later found giving
sermons to scared soldiers new into theatre.

14.Royal Engineers.
Destroy IED using charge with 10-times explosive content of IED. Build
SQN bar in crater. Use second massive charge to blow second crater in
which to build & celebrate opening of SQN bar/gym complex with BBQs
every night for the rest of tour. IED appears on next SQN t-shirt.

15.Royal Signals.
IED self destructs to avoid WESTLANDS BOWMANISATION.

16. BFBS Radio DJ's.
Send shout-out on BFBS Radio 1 to IED wishing it good luck and playing
'I Will Survive'. IED detonates out of shame and embarrassment.

17. Royal Military Police.
Issue IED with penalty fine of £1000 for loitering and not having
FFD/Tourniquet/Morphine. IED detonates in anger and annoyance at the
monkeys wasting its time. Surviving RMPs issue IED with penalty charge
for littering.

18.Army Air Corps.
Identify ideal opportunity to prove AAC has an offensive role and is
not just a taxi service. Launch TOW missile at IED. Missile fails due
to armaments contract being given to cheapest bidder. Accept that was
the AAC's only missile and disband.

19.Intelligence Corps.
Deny existence of IED to unit reporting IED, as they are not
sufficiently cleared. Issue BG's with a list of int-based questions to
ask IED. Study Q&A analysis and find two main results:
A-Suggest IED may detonate having studied trend analysis of previous IEDs
B-Claim it's part of a come-on involving 400 insurgents and Iranian
heavy-armour, as that's what the guy who cleans the toilets told them.

20.Div/Bde Headquarters.
Issue IED with a notification of controlled explosion. IED
ignores/deletes message, as does the rest of theatre.

21. RLC.
Get pictures taken whilst posing next to IED with another Unit's GPMG.
IED detonates due to someone making a video call on their mobile
phone.

22. RAF.
Send the RFS out to investigate IED; fail to notice they never come
back. RFS patrol later found upside down in a WMKII in a ditch, in
Syria. Patrol Commander admits to being a 'bit unsure about his
position', is informed his position is now 'Private'

23.Navy.
Proclaim IED as a figment of the Army's imagination. Go on a
Mediterranean cruise for 3 months. Come back to Middle East waters.
Proclaim IED as a figment of the Army's imagination. (repeat
indefinitely). Occasionally get taken hostage to relieve the monotony.

24. American Army. Send out a patrol in a Hummer with Rhino deployed,
then send out a Spectre gunship to destroy the nearest local village
in retribution for when it all goes horribly, horribly wrong.

25. Australian Army.
Threaten to withdraw entire country's assets from theatre as they
heard a rumour there was an IED identified 50 miles south of their
position. Demand hand-holding by other already over-stretched British
units and then complain when we make them actively look for more
IEDs'.

26. Romanian Army.
Confuse IED with their gibberish native tongue. Sign the IED onto
their stores and attempt to make it part of their armaments supply due
to under funding by a government that's abandoned them.

27 Danish Army.
Arrive in theatre and promptly invite IED to their camp to join in
their BBQ and Drinks sessions held every night. Eventually starve to
death as they'd forgot how to open their camp gates on account of
having never left. IED detonates to attract attention and help.

28. Iraq Army.
Tip up five days after IED reported. Cordon area, remove IED. Corrupt
elements of IA then move IED five hundred yards further along road and
bury. Reassure MND(SE) that area is now clear.

29. Iraq Civilian.
Dig up IED, take to nearest MND(SE) post and attempt to sell IED. Upon
refusal, attempts to sell IED to MJAM. MJAM take IED and bury it at
target area. Civilian digs up IED, takes to nearest MND(SE) post and
attempts to sell IED. And so on.

30. UK Aid Worker.
Show complete disregard for IED, fail to adhere to Foreign Office
warnings on IEDs, pay no attention to MND(SE) briefs on IEDs and
wonder what went wrong when their convoy gets destroyed by IED.

31. Security Contractor.
Use innocent civilian children to test road ahead of patrol for IEDs.
When child finds IED, claim child is insurgent attempting a come-on
and shoot child. And his family. And neighbours.

32. Private Contractor.
Find themselves lured to Iraq by greed. Make more money in a week than
some soldiers do in a month. Laugh at poorly paid soldiers being blown
up by IEDs'. Expect MND(SE) to help when they get blown up by IED.
Wonder why we don't respond.

Gobble Gobble Gabble Rabble

Tim Blair rounds up the media shock and claw-wringing over Sarah Palin being interviewed at a turkey farm, where, incongruously and unbelievably, the wholesale slaughter of turkeys is being committed in anticipation of Thanksgiving by turkey farmers.

Warning: Graphic Stupidity

Personally, I don't eat anything I wouldn't be willing to watch killed, with the exception, of course, of babies.

Crisis? What Crisis?

Frank sends in this Stratfor analysis of the economic freeze-up and fallout. The sum: I'll begin thinking it's a crisis when the politicians begin acting as though it's a crisis.

Obama - First Kenyan-Born Presidential Elect of the United States

Wow! Talk a bout a trail-blazer!

First, he's the first Black President Elect in our Nation's History.

Now, he's the first foreign-born!

I know there is something in the Constitution about this sort of thing... but those are just details.

Yes He Can!

Thriller in Maniler

First Cassius Clay... now Michael J?

So it ain't so, Mo!

Obama's German Financiers

Largely thanks to the [3-books for German publishing giant]Bertelsmann deal, Obama went from earning just over $85,000 in 2004 (see statement 3 in Barack and Michelle Obamas’ joint 2004 tax return here) to well over $1 million in 2005. His senate salary of $154,000 was dwarfed in that year by a reported $874,000 in income from Random House plus another $336,000 from literary agent Dystel & Goderich. (See statements 5 and 10 in the Obamas’ 2005 return here.) The Obamas’ most recent 2007 return lists a staggering $3,279,000 in income from Random House plus another nearly $816,000 from literary agent Dystel & Goderich, adding up to over $4 million in book-related revenues in all. (As so happens, Jane Dystel is Obama’s former literary agent, whom he is reported to have unceremoniously dumped before signing the Random House deal. That Obama should be receiving such large sums from Dystel & Goderich suggests some sort of complicated settlement between the three parties and this suggests in turn that the sums could well represent additional indirect payments to Obama from Random House. In any case, it is unusual for an agent to be paying a client rather than vice versa.) All told, from 2005 to 2007, Obama received some $4,556,636 in income from the Random House division of Bertelsmann and another $1,299,167 from Dystel & Goderich, adding up to nearly $6 million — presumably all of it related in one way or another to the Bertelsmann/Random House deal.

In the interest of transparency, Obama should surely now release the full details of his contractual relationship with the Bertelsmann Corporation. After all, if one is to judge by his recent tax returns, even as president, he will be paid far more by Bertelsmann than by the American taxpayers. For him to be taking advice from the Bertelsmann Foundation suggests conflict of interest on a magnitude that has perhaps never before been seen in the history of the American presidency. Although legally distinct, the foundation and the corporation are, in effect, just functionally distinct parts of a single entity. The Bertelsmann Foundation is in fact the majority shareholder in the corporation, presently holding roughly three-quarters of the company shares, to which, however, there correspond no voting rights. All the remaining shares are held by the Mohn family: family patriarch Reinhard, his wife Liz, and their children. The Mohns in turn control the foundation (to which Reinhard Mohn assigned a large part of the company capital in 1993), such that foundation and corporation are perfectly intertwined and both are, in effect, emanations of the Mohn family’s power.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Iowahawk reviews the Congressional Motors new offering, the Pelosi.

Argentina: Coming to the US!

Docile, more cosmopolitan US prepares to absorb the wisdom of other countries' policies:

(Buenos Aires, Argentina) The government of Argentina, led by President Cristina Fernandez, has nationalized the country's private pension plans, known as AFJPs. Despite assertions otherwise, the move is no more than an asset grab to give the government funds to pay the bills of wild-spending politicians.

The Senate approved the bill by 46 votes to 18 with one abstention. Under the new regime, the AFJPs’ $26bn in assets and annual contributions of up to $5bn will pass to the state social security administrator, Anses, which will be responsible for all retirees under the state’s pay-as-yo-go system (sic).

Miguel Pichetto, government whip in the Senate, called it “a change of historic importance”. But the opposition Radical Party’s Ernesto Sanz said: “We have no doubt that here the right to private property is being violated. Not just for us but for society and the world, this is a clear confiscation.”

If the Democrats follow through on their announced intentions, expect the same type of confiscation to occur in the U.S. Remember, a milestone on the road to serfdom is the eradication of private property.

Yes... We... Might... Be Able To... Maybe... But Don't Count on It

WARNING: When expectations are out of whack, unhappy clients are often the result.

Drudge Crosses the Line

I mean really... grabbed this screenshot for posterity

John "Mitch" Mitchell Dead at 61

I remember being a young, young drummer... I am going to have to say I was in 4th grade when I first "discovered" Jimi Hendrix and of course Mitch Mitchell. All I can remember was how unique this drummer was. I had a small tape recorder and a shitty recording of some of Hendrix's stuff. I would play it over and over again, to the annoyance of my dad... who warned me that drummers all died young.

I didn't care. I am now 39 and still Mitchell remains in the top 5 rock drummers in my mind. Fucking great drummer.

Anyway... here is to Mitch Mitchell who had as much to do with Jimi Hendrix's unique success as Dave Grohl had in launching Nirvana's Cobain.

May his soul fuse with the eternal rhythms of the Cosmos. From light to light and sound to sound.

Electric Laneyland - memories of a Collins childhood - Delaney R Collins, 11

The most memorable baby story my mom can think of was a mean one. Ok so it is the only one I have so here it goes. One day well we lived in Waukesha, at the time it was only Kc, me, momma, and dada, my mom left me in my boopy on the couch with my sister Kc. I was sitting there minding my own business, you know what 3 week old babies do, well momma was on the floor folding laundry. When all of a sudden Kc started to lean over closer to my head, still to this day my mom swears she thought that Kc was giving me a kiss, but I doubt it Kc is evil she would never give someone a kiss and my mom knew it! ok well maybe my mom knowing it was a lie but still. So on with my story because I got interrupted by myself I have to finish it from where I left off, so, anyway my sister started leaning over, and my mom “thinking” it was a kiss let her, but then –chomp- she bit me on my head!!!!! I started to cry. I mean really who wouldn’t? Well, I don’t know what happens next because I couldn’t hear through all my crying, and neither does my mom, she claims she forgot! Likely story MOTHER!!!!! Just kidding but yeah just thinking about it gives me pain in my head! So I’m going to stop. Yeah so that was the most memorable time.

Quite a Performance: an Artistic Defence

Stone, who gained notoriety in 1988 when he killed three mourners at an IRA funeral in West Belfast, claimed his actions at Stormont were all part of an elaborate performance art display.
Delivering his judgment in the non-jury trial, Mr Justice Deeney rejected this claim as being "wholly undeserved of belief"....

The former UDA member, who attained notoriety in 1988 after killing three mourners when he launched a gun and grenade attack on an IRA funeral at Milltown cemetery in west Belfast, said his appearance at Stormont was a piece of theatre intended to expose the hypocrisy of the politicians. ...

The judge said defence evidence that Stone had been taking part in some sort of a "comic parody" was "hopelessly unconvincing" and "self-contradictory".
"I am satisfied that Mr Stone went to Stormont to try and murder the two Sinn Fein leaders on November 24, 2006," he said. ...

The father of nine was also convicted on seven other counts, including possession of nail bombs, three knives, a garrotte and an axe - Stone claimed they were all props....

The letters he wrote to local journalists outlining his intention to kill the senior republicans were also part of the "script", his defence team argued. ..

While his lawyers called on art experts to support this theory, Crown barristers dismissed it as a ludicrous attempt to explain away a calculated murder bid.

Wrongful Conduct Passes Final Exam

Fired? Really? Part 2

July 16, 2007


Letter of Recommendation
[Enoch_Root]


I am pleased to provide this recommendation for [Enoch_Root]. In my role as Director of Human Resources for REDACTED, my duties include the selection and management of our talent. Although [Enoch_Root]’s tenure spanned the life of a “special project” during 2007, [Enoch_Root], with his extensive digital marketing knowledge, was considered an instrumental hire.

When [Enoch_Root] first joined the agency, he immediately set to work as the team leader on the project. Through his strong project management skills and with his sound interactive marketing background, he built a solid plan and uncovered insightful information that helped us understand this challenging project.

[Enoch_Root] was valued for his extensive knowledge of the interactive discipline and the emerging technology. Equally so, his fine personality played out in many ways, from creating a sense of team camaraderie, to developing a base of preferred vendors.

I am certain [Enoch_Root] will contribute to your organization as well, because it is in his character to do so. If I can be of further assistance, please don’t hesitate to reach me directly at 414-270-****.

Sincerely,

REDACTED
Senior Vice President
REDACTED

Fired? Really? Part 1

August 1, 2007

To Whom It May Concern:

It’s my great pleasure to recommend [Enoch_Root]. We worked very closely together on a project that was of high personal interest to me. I had an idea for an on-line media solution that would bring advertisers and web publishers together at a very low cost. I hired [Enoch_Root] to be my project manager. Fortunately for me, [Enoch_Root] delivered an intelligent and efficient assessment of the concept that eventually led to a decision not to pursue its execution.

[Enoch_Root] approached this project by quickly grasping the concept and enthusiastically designing a model of how it would work. His ability to understand a specific business solution and apply it to the technical requirements of an on-line channel is first rate. In other words, he can think strategically about business problems and has the technical expertise to apply solutions in digital media.

In a broader perspective, he also helped me keep the concept pure in purpose and differentiated from other web-based alternatives.

He is enthusiastic and engaged. Without the need for layers of support, he recruited expert feedback to make the model workable. He also helped test the concept against prospective users. And, finally, he helped provide the information that allowed us to decide not to go forward with the project even though it meant that he would no longer have a project to manage.

At our company, we work with new products frequently and talent like [Enoch_Root]’s is rare. He has the ability to make things work and the objectivity to provide good assessments about risks and rewards.

Please call me for further insights: 414.272.****.

Sincerely,

REDACTED
President
REDACTED

An Open Letter to Fox, O'Neill & Shannon

"As you know, you were fired by REDACTED on July 27, 2007."

"...your libelous commentary were posted out of spite for your former employer."

As for count 1, I was unaware I was fired. I think the term is "let go" - or, rather, a mutually agreed to "parting of ways".

Shall I post the letters of recommendation I received from one of the partners at REDACTED? Or, a similarly glowing letter of recommendation from a certain VP of HR of the same firm?

As for count 2, you may spin it as you wish. You are paid to do so.

DEMAND: "Demand is hereby made upon you to immediately cease and desist from the improper disparagement of REDACTED"

Fine. I promise henceforth not to improperly disparage.

DEMAND:"...immediately delete from your blog... postings..."

Currently deleted.

DEMAND: "...deliver to REDACTED ... a disc containing all ... materials ..."

Fine. Although you didn't specify what kind of disc. I sense a loophole!

DEMAND:
"...immediately place a public notification on your blog that you had no right to publish REDACTED's private and proprietary material, including the November 3 email posting and the November 10 report posting, and that such material should not be used or disclosed by any member of the public..."

PUBLIC NOTIFICATION TO READERS OF THIS BLOG

Dear Reader - I, Enoch_Root, have been instructed to write this public notification by Francis J Hughes, attorney at law. I have further been instructed to post that "...you had no right to publish REDACTED's private and proprietary material including the November 3 email posting and the November 10 report posting..." Please further note that Mr. Hughes has also instructed me to include the following: "such material should not be used or disclosed by any member of the public..."

DEMAND: "Apologize on your blog for your wrongful conduct"

OPEN APOLOGY FROM ENOCH TO READERS OF THIS BLOG

Dear Reader - I, Enoch_Root, hereby apologize for wrongful conduct. He has not been himself of late. And I am afraid the change of seasons has impacted his behavior. I have matriculated him into conduct-adjustment classes at the esteemed International School of Rightful Conduct, wherein he shall be beaten within an inch of his life until such a time as he is able to behave rightfully.

Dear Attorneys at Law - Statements in your letter are defamatory and disparage Mr. Root's business reputation and cause substantial injury. Particularly the part about being fired. If this is the libelous rumor-mongering being floated about in such a small professional community... Could you imagine the amount of injury one could suffer due to salacious and inaccurate rumors whose origin is found to be among executives of such an esteemed and influential firm?

I anticipate your apology.

No We Can't - No Se Puede

Again, I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.

1) US Downgrade Looming - doom
2) Credit Card Defaults on the rise - gloom

Prepare yourself - buy a gun - buy a shitload of canned food.

Don't tell me the ObaMessiah can resolve this. Socialism will only make it worse. No "rescue" package can rescue us.

The CC defaults will make the sub-prime lending "crisis" seem like a cake-walk.

Up Next - the brain drain (already under way)

Obama-mania ( cont'd)

Kwame Boyce-Deacon, 14, is a big fan of Obama...

"Obama is the first black President of America and I'm the first black model of Obama in Leicester...The haircut is amazing. .. I've become a bit of a celebrity."

A celebrity or a victim are the things to be - preferably both. By the way, how much crack do you have to sell to pay for a novelty haircut?

The Obamamessiah

Matthew Parris got this right:

Here we have a handsome, dashing and intelligent man, a man with generous instincts and a silver tongue; but a man with no distinctive plan for government that he has seen fit to share with us; a daring opportunist; somebody we may one day judge as a sort of Tony Blair with brains.

Translation Courtesy of Resident MBA

GM will announce ‘important changes’ on Friday
Robert Snell / The Detroit News

DETROIT — General Motors Corp. is expected to announce "important changes" [lay-offs, plant closings, retail dealership closings] to its automotive operations Friday [just in time for the weekend] when the automaker releases [divulges] third-quarter financial results [losses], according to an internal [confidential] e-mail obtained [nefariously] by The Detroit News.

According to the e-mail sent to company executives Monday [and later leaked by one or more of them pissed off that they will likely lose their cushy jobs], CEO Rick Wagoner and President and Chief Operating Officer Fritz Henderson will announce changes [pink slips] to [current, soon to be former,] employees at 11 a.m. Friday that address challenges "brought on by [being ill-prepared and not foreseeing or reacting to]the volatile global economic situation."

"Clearly given the challenges the industry is facing, we’re probably going to have to make additional adjustments [fire a bunch of our employees, close some plants, shut down a bunch of dealerships, and reduce pension and other completely over-the-top benefits no one has but teachers, government workers, UAW members, and overpaid knuckleheads like me]," GM spokesman [spinmeister] Tom Wilkinson [not real name] said today. "It’s a very challenging time right now This fucking sucks. For years I didn't have to do any heavy-lifting. And now I have to be a peg-boy for these self-aggrandizing ass-monkeys]."

It is not spelled out in the e-mail what specific changes might be announced. But late last month, Wagoner and Henderson wrote in another letter to executives that the automaker will have to cut more white-collar jobs later this year and early next year, including involuntary layoffs [serving thousands of pink slips], suspend the company match in employee 401(k) retirement accounts [today's version of glory day pensions when unions and executives alike bankrupted the company 3 decades in advance, leaving nothing but table scraps and obligations for future generations of blue collar workers] and make other benefit cuts.

GM’s sales in the United States are down 20.3 percent this year and the automaker has lost approximately $70 billion since 2004. [That's what happens when you produce a sub-standard product year after year and start making more money from financing bad loans than focusing on the quality of your core products].

GM and other automakers are coping with the lowest U.S. sales market in 17 years. [They can't give them away].

On Monday, GM reported its October sales slumped 45.1 percent to 168,719 vehicles, the steepest slide among Detroit’s Big Three automakers.

The worsening auto market has led GM to enter negotiations to acquire rival Chrysler LLC [like joining Austria and Hungary together] from majority owner Cerberus Capital Management LP. One deal on the table is for GM to sell a majority of its 49 percent interest in GMAC Financial Services [the only thing worth a shit on the balance sheet] in exchange for Chrysler. Cerberus, which owns 51 percent of GMAC, could keep a small stake in a combined GM-Chrysler.

My Expectations

Dear Barack -

My expectations are simple ones. If you meet them, I will be satisfied. If you fail in one of them, I will pin all the woes that result on you and every Liberal sack of shit I come across:

1) keep my family safe - any terrorist attack on your watch will be owned by you and all Democrats
2) fix the economy - if my standard of living falls while you are in office, I blame you and all Democrats for not being better off
3) keep gas prices under $2.50 per gallon - I want cheap gas, you asshole. And cheap beer. If I do not get my cheap gas and cheap beer, I will blame you and all Democrats.
4) cure Cancer - I want a cure for Cancer... oh, and AIDS. I want a cure for AIDS too.
5) The Packers in the Playoffs - if they don't make it to the Super Bowl in the 2009 Season, I will blame all Democrats
6) World Hunger - this one isn't at the top of my list, but WTF... if you don't solve this issue, a pox on you and all Democrats, sir.
7) A Larger Penis - if I do not get a larger penis in the next 4 years, you and you alone sir are to blame.
8) A Slimmer Waist-line - I would like to shed some pounds. Make this happen or else.
9) A Good Horror Flick - we are in desperate need of a good Horror Flick (without subtitles)
10) Whiter Teeth - I don't like dentists. You figure it out.

The list is short and sweet. Until you fulfill the list above, you will not be my president.

The Fucking Man

Dear Boomer -

I was wondering if you could comment on the following:
When I read articles on Boomers, I come across self-aggrandizing statements such as "...we are the anti-establishment establishment," and others such as the mantra "...60 is the new 45." These appear to me and others in my generation as absurd.

I was discussing this with a friend of mine last night. He is an attorney and has many clients who are Boomers. I wondered aloud whether there was any segment of the population more base than Boomers. I cited the grand hypocrisy so evident and demonstrated by the main of the Boomer Generation.

For instance, the very same people who systematically tore down modesty and institutions (many of which represented the aggregated wisdom of the generations) is the same generation which has given us the nanny state.

The same generation that flaunted the ability of Man to choose to play to his more animalistic passions, such as free love and drugs, also ushered an extraordinary era of moral relativism, cynicism, and of all things birthed the rampant spread of AIDS, institutional mandatory sentencing, Political Correctness, and zero tolerance.

My friend mentioned to me something quite disturbing to me. In spite of the most luxurious time in American history

- in the 60s Boomers gave us free love and drugs
- in the 70s disco music and cocaine
- in the 80s Boomers gave us the height of consumerism, the rampant spread of AIDS, Political Correctness and more drugs.
- in the 90s Boomers sold us unsustainable business models which produced the dot com bubble.
- The Boomers gave us Clinton, Enron.

Now in the 00s, Boomers are inheriting their parents' estates, driving gas-guzzling SUVs, and building new second homes with the money of those they despised most.

And now the current financial & governmental crisis.

When the Boomers die off, you will leave us with the bill.

Is it wrong for us to ask what in the hell we did to deserve you?

Seriously. I am not directing this towards you, personally. But to think that Boomers are in complete control of the government, the board-rooms, the faculties of universities, and are receiving the largest transfer of wealth ever witnessed in this country is... erm... disturbing to Gen Xers.

What say you? Do you find it similarly perverse?

Enoch

The World's Oldest Remote Control